Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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