people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize
