yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
