Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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