Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
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Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
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He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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