I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize