Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
