1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
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