She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
