I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
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