I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
