I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
