ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
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