My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
