Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize