Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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