I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
