Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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