I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
