I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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