but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
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I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
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I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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