Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
