Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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