I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
