found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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