I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
