Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
