My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
