I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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