Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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