I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
i now understand why vodka
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
