We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
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She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
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She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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