Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
