Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
