Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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