so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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