You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
