Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize