She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
