Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
4 words: hood of his car
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
