Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
