look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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