I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
