sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
