Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
