I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
