I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
