My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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