When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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