I think i peed on brittanys purse
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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