she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize