How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
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You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
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I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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