I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Randomize
