Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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