Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
