physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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