I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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