My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Banned from zoo.
Again?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Randomize
