Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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