That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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