im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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