if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
