The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
