Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
