I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
