I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
