in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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