these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
