Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
