when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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