i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
