So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
