I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
